


Defeat

by Missanna444



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A Happy Ending, A LOT of Angst, Angst, F/F, I promise, she doesn't actually die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-08 21:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15252195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missanna444/pseuds/Missanna444
Summary: This story is continued from my prompt-based fic, "The Brave Ones"!Alex goes missing on a mission and after two years, they assume she is gone forever. When she stumbles back into their lives, how hard will it be for her (and everyone else) to adjust?





	1. Chapter 1

“I love you, Sam. I’ll be home before you know it. I promise.” 

 

Those were Alex’s last words to Sam, her last words ever, before the explosion. She’d said it over the coms, everyone heard it. She and Kara had led a number agents to a hideout of rogue aliens that were intent on destroying National City. The details of the mission itself were blurry now, the only thing Sam could remember was the explosion they’d seen on a hidden camera on Kara. Alex had been standing beside her sister when it happened and was in clear view. When the smoke cleared, she was gone. They assumed it was because Kara had been blasted a few hundred feet away. But when Kara ran back to the spot, the only trace of Alex was her beloved gun, now in charred shambles. 

 

“Kara? Kara, what's going on?” Sam had said over the coms, her heart starting to race. She couldn't see Alex, couldn't hear her. She was nowhere to be found. They searched for her for days and all that they found was one of her shoes. As strange as it was, Sam kept it, just to feel close to the woman she loved. They hadn't been married, no, but they might as well have been. And the pain of losing Alex crushed her as if she was a widow and had lost her wife. 

 

The funeral had been held a few weeks later, after all the searches were called off. They didn't bury anything, but they still laid out a tombstone for her where her grave would have been. 

 

_ 'Dedicated to Alexandra Danvers. _

_ Loving sister, daughter, mother, and friend. _

_ 1989-2019’ _

 

Sam fought as hard as she could to get them to include the word “mother” on Alex's tombstone. 

 

“She was a mother, damn it! She looked at my daughter as if she was her own!” She had argued. She won. 

 

She checked in on Kara a lot, knowing that the super must have been destroyed by this. Kara's constant mutterings of, “I could have saved her! I could have at least protected her with my cape, something! She'd still be here,” broke Sam's heart. Every Thursday during lunch-- because, god, she hated Thursdays-- Sam ate her lunch by Alex's grave, talking out loud about her day and praying that Alex could hear her. 

 

Despite some protests from her friends, Sam swore off dating completely. She couldn't handle the heartbreak, and she couldn't date without feeling like she was replacing Alex. 

 

Two long years passed and everyone had, more or less, moved on. Never entirely, of course, but enough to continue their daily lives. And just when they all had accepted the horrible truth, Sam got a call from Kara. One that changed everything. 

 

“Sam? You need to come to my apartment immediately. It's an emergency.” 

 

“Kara? What's going on? Are you alright?” 

 

“I'll explain when you get here, just hurry.” 

 

Sam hurried. Whenever she got a call like that from Kara, she knew not to mess around. When she stepped into the apartment-- she used Alex's old spare key-- she could see Kara kneeling beside a sleeping figure on the couch, but she couldn't see who it was. But she could see the mop of kinda-red-kinda-brown hair that she would recognize anywhere at any time. 

 

“Kara, what the hell is going on?” Sam asked softly, moving closer though she was almost afraid to. Kara looked up and stood to approach her. 

 

“She… I heard a knock at my door. For once, I didn't use my vision to see who it was, I just opened it. And she was standing there, and she…” Kara sniffled, her voice becoming increasingly emotional. “She just stood there for a moment, stared at me, looked me in the eyes… and then she collapsed. She hasn't woken since. I brought her to the couch and wrapped her in a blanket… I know I should take her to the D.E.O., but I'm afraid to move her.” 

 

Sam took everything in, her gaze moving constantly from the sleeping figure whose face she still couldn't see to Kara's distraught eyes. She reached over and squeezed Kara's hand just once, then stepped closer to the couch so she could see clearly. 

 

It was Alex. Without a doubt, it was Alex. She looked so tired, so exhausted, even in her sleep. 

 

“Oh, Al…” Sam whispered, tears threatening to spill. “Kara, you've gotta call J’onn. You've gotta tell him. Right now. We don’t know what she’s been through, and--” And, with that, the brunette burst into tears as she knelt by Alex’s side, stroking Alex’s hair. Kara immediately did as she was told and called J’onn, her boss and the one who she and Alex both considered their father. He, along with a team of medics, showed up several minutes later to take Alex to the D.E.O. med bay for treatment and examination. Sam never left her side, even as they transported her. She couldn’t bear to let her out of her sight. When no one was looking, Kara grabbed a particular blanket from her couch that had always seemed to calm Alex and gave it to Sam for when she woke up. She knew the shock would probably be a lot to handle. 

 

It was another three days before Alex actually woke up. According to the tests they ran, she hadn’t eaten in days and was probably starving when she’d gotten to Kara’s door. They fed her nutrients through an I.V. in her arm, refueling her as best they could. 

 

When she did wake up, Sam was by her side, having dozed off in the chair nearby. Alex blinked her eyes open, strangely comfortable even though it took her a few moments to register where she was. When she did, she tried to sit up, but fell back with a soft thump, which woke Sam.

 

“Alex…?” She said gently, so as not to startle her. 

 

Alex looked over and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. 

 

“It’s alright, just rest. I can tell you’re already about to fall back asleep. That’s okay. I’m right here. Always.” Sam whispered, pressing a kiss to the cheek of the woman she thought she’d never get to kiss again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was a long time before Alex actually talked. She opened her mouth occasionally to assure those around her that she was okay or to ask for water, but that was it. She avoided talking about what had happened, changing the subject whenever anyone asked. They gave her space after that, after the tears and the gentle but firm hugs and the frantic call from Ruby who was away at college. 

 

One afternoon, while Alex was sound asleep, Kara and Sam stood by Winn’s computer, talking with him. 

 

“She’s shutting us out and it makes me nervous…” Kara admitted. 

 

“Maybe she just needs more time, more… space.” Sam said quietly, staring into her coffee cup.

 

“Yeah, but this is Alex we’re talking about. I hate to force it and I know I shouldn’t, but she’ll never talk otherwise. It’s bad for her to keep this all inside, especially after what I can only guess was really traumatic.” 

 

There was silence for a few moments, before someone spoke. Unexpectedly, that person was Winn, who had been quiet for most of the conversation.

 

“She doesn’t know where she fits in, anymore.” He said slowly, not looking at either of the women beside him. Somehow, no one needed him to elaborate, they just knew. Their hearts broke just thinking about it. 

 

“Oh, my poor Alex…” Sam murmured.

 

“She’s even unsure of that.”

 

“Of what?”

 

“If she’s  _ your _ Alex.” Winn told her, such a distinct sadness in his eyes. He was glad to have his sister back, but he hated that she didn’t feel right anymore.

 

“Of course she’s  _ my _ Alex. She’s been gone two years, but I never-- I mean, I couldn’t. I couldn’t let her go.” 

 

“I know. But even so, it makes her nervous to be going home tomorrow. Home to… you, to the place you two shared. She’s scared.”

 

“She told you all this, Winn? Why not us? Nothing against you, of course, but I’m her sister.” Kara questioned. The look in Winn’s eyes was so knowing that it shocked her a little. 

 

“Exactly, Kara, you’re her sister. And Sam is, well, practically her wife. You’re too close to her. She knows you too well, feels like she’s a burden because she thinks you have more concerning things to think about. And she wants to give both of you space. It’s… it’s hard to explain.”

 

“No, I.. I know what you mean, Winn.” Sam cut in. “Look, if she’s too uncomfortable to be living with me or Kara right now… Well, what if she went to live with you? At least for a week or so until she got used to things? She loves you like you’re her brother, and she’s a little more comfortable with you right now. Kara and I will obviously visit a lot to help her adjust, but if she has a place to stay that she doesn’t recognize, a place that doesn’t have any memories associated with it… she might be more comfortable.”

 

Winn paused a moment before nodding. “Whatever’s best for her. I’ll go tell her, okay?”

 

That’s the way it was, for awhile. No one was fully aware of Alex’s thoughts except for Winn. He never told anyone what she told him, unless he thought it could be dangerous. Those times, he sent a quick text to both Sam and Kara, ensuring that they knew something was up and could do something about it. On one of these occasions, Sam came knocking on the door with two pizzas in her hands. Winn had texted her and she came right away, pretending she had no idea that Alex had nearly punched a hole in Winn’s wall an hour ago.

 

“Sam? What’re you doing here?” Alex asked, trying not to sound rude at the question. 

 

“I texted Winn and asked if you guys had eaten dinner yet and he said you hadn’t, so here I am! I know your appetite practically matches Kara’s sometimes, so I figured I’d bring extra.” Sam smiled, setting it on the table while Winn grabbed plates for them all. 

 

“Oh. Well… thanks.” Alex nodded awkwardly. She and Sam had hardly really talked since she’d returned, and the tension was palpable. Frankly, Alex wasn’t in the mood to eat, but she knew Winn would get worried if she didn’t. So, she moved from her spot on the couch and sat down at the table, still wrapped up in her blanket.

 

“Hey, isn’t that the blanket from Kara’s place?” Sam asked, handing her a plate with a single slice on it.

 

“Um. Yeah. It always comforts me. And I had it with me when I woke up after I came back…” She said quietly.

 

“I put it there.” Sam smiled slightly. “Not on my own, of course, Kara told me how much it helps you.” 

Alex took a bit of pizza to hide the slight smile on her face. Even after all this time, Sam still cared about her. Maybe it wasn’t the same feelings as before, Alex couldn’t quite tell, but at least she still cared. After exchanging a cautious glance with Winn, Alex began talking a little more. 

 

“Um, y’know, Winn’s told me some stuff, but I don’t really know much about what’s been going on outside of the D.E.O…. Care to update me? How are you doing? How’s Ruby? I mean, I know she’s at college…”

 

Sam took a deep breath before responding. It was a loaded question and she wanted to answer truthfully, but remain careful for Alex’s sake. 

 

“Well, Ruby’s… she’s doing well, I think. College really suits her. She’s majoring in some sort of computers and technology thing. She wants to invent stuff like Winn, but she totally credits you for inspiring her.”

 

“She credits me? Why?”

 

“Because you always encouraged her. Even if it was stupid science fair stuff or really big projects, you always taught her to embrace what she loved. And she loves science and technology. You do… You did a lot for her.” Sam said softly. Alex’s slight smile turned back into a small frown. 

 

“Is she far away? I’d love to visit her…” 

 

“Only a couple of hours. There’s a parents’ weekend at her school this weekend. I can’t go because of a million meetings at L-Corp, but you’re welcome to go.”   
  


“Me? Sam, I’m hardly--”

 

“Her parent? Don’t be silly. You were before, I don’t see why that would change. I know, I know, because you disappeared for two years. Just because we thought you were… well, dead… it doesn’t change the fact that she saw you as her one of her moms. Go to that parents’ weekend. I’ll let her know you’re coming, and she’ll be so excited.”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, okay.” Alex smiled, though she couldn’t have been more terrified, wondering what she was getting herself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have the third chapter up soon! I hope you guys are enjoying this story!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally wrote a third chapter. Are you proud of me? 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this part! I'm keeping what happened to Alex vague on purpose, because I still haven't really figured it out.

Getting Alex out of Winn’s apartment or the D.E.O. was difficult enough, but getting her to Ruby’s college was a whole different ballgame, and a difficult one, at that. Kara drove her there in case she got overwhelmed. It was only an hour outside of National City, but it felt longer. The entire drive was silent after Kara got the hint that Alex wasn’t in the mood for talking. 

 

“Are you nervous?” Kara asked gently as she pulled into the parking lot that Ruby had instructed them to use. 

 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Alex muttered, waiting for Kara to unlock the doors before she got out. There was some sort of feeling gnawing at her stomach, but she couldn’t place it. Whatever it was, it was uncomfortable. With a sigh, Alex watched her sister text Ruby that they were there. 

 

_ ‘Great! I’ll meet you guys at the library!’ _ Ruby texted back almost immediately. 

 

“We’ll take it slow, I promise.” Kara said gently, taking her sister’s hand as they walked. They had only just stepped inside the library when they heard Ruby’s voice shriek, “Alex!” Less than five seconds later, Alex was wrapped in a tight hug from the teenager. For the first time since she got back, Alex didn’t flinch or start to pull away.

 

“Hey, Ruby…” She said softly, hugging her back. She took a deep breath, trying to hold in her tears. Already, she was starting to feel overwhelmed. Ruby pulled back after a moment to get a good look at the woman she had always considered to be a second mom. 

 

“You look… different.”

 

“Well, I couldn’t exactly cut my hair very often while I was gone.” Alex tried to joke, motioning to the most obvious difference. Her red-brown hair was now just barely past her shoulders and a little ragged, like she’d tried to cut it herself. 

 

“No, I mean, you just look different. More tired, a little more sad.” Ruby stated quietly. Both she and Kara expected Alex to burst at that, to get upset. The Alex they were used to wasn’t one to accept that she was in pain. Instead, Alex just nodded. 

 

“Yeah. I know.” 

 

Ruby was silent for a moment, then smiled a little. 

 

“I’m really glad you’re back. I missed you a lot. Can I show you around campus? You’ll love it. The whole place reminds me of you for some reason.” 

 

“Sure. Kara, you coming?” Alex asked.

 

“You sure you don’t want some alone time with Ruby?” Kara asked. She was well aware of the mother-daughter relationship between the two of them. 

 

“I don’t want you to  miss out on all the fun.” Alex said with a slight smile, but eyes that pleaded for her sister to come with them. 

 

“I’ll gladly come with you, then.” The blonde nodded and followed them.

 

The whole thing was a welcome distraction for Alex. She spent the whole time questioning Ruby about her classes, her friends, and what other activities she did. It felt good to catch up, to learn more about what was going on with those she loved. It felt good to be asking those questions and not feel like the person answering was walking on eggshells. There were a few moments when Ruby paused, unsure how to answer, but Alex appreciated the honesty that always came afterwards. 

 

“There was a day last spring that they help for all the newly accepted students. I didn’t go, but I’d already seen campus, so it was okay.”

 

“Why didn’t you go?” Alex asked. From what she could gather, Ruby had been so excited about this school and spent every moment she could visiting it.

 

“Well…” Ruby hesitated a little, and Alex knew why almost immediately. 

 

“Ruby, you can tell me. You don’t have to dance around it.”

 

“I… My mom used to visit the headstone we’d placed for you… every month. Always on the anniversary of the date you’d disappeared. I always went with her when I could. It was… it was some sort of closure. Mom always brought flowers of some kind and left them there for you. She liked to sit there and just… talk. She felt like she was talking to you, even though we knew your body wasn’t actually there.” When Alex didn’t respond, Ruby continued. “Um, anyways, the day for accepted students was one of those days. It was April 5th. One of the monthly anniversaries. So, I went with her instead of visiting campus. I wanted the closure just as much as Mom did.” 

 

A choked out sob came from Alex as she pulled Ruby close. 

 

“I’m so sorry you two had to go through that…” She whispered, then glanced at Kara and pulled her into a hug, too. Kara and Ruby held Alex close, all three of them crying now. It hadn’t really registered with any of them that Alex was actually alive, she was here, she was more or less okay. Even with all of that in mind, healing was going to take some time.


End file.
